Once upon a time, Someone wished upon a star. Their wish came true by magic And that wish is where you are...
Oooh! Now that's interesting, a blogspot... post... pots... tops... Okay, I'll STOP now. Oh, hello, didn't notice you there. Welcome to my blogspot. Here you will be able to take a glimpse into my ever-confuddling mind. But first, a warning: If you wish to avoid serious mental damage, please close this window NOW! If, on the other hand, you wish to subject yourself to this craziness that can only be described as Bernz, read on.
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...so here I am; I've been worrying myself over one boy for six weeks now, maybe a little more. He's amazing. And no, I don't see him through rose-tinted glasses, other people see it, too. I want to be more for him, but we both decided that that wouldn't be smart, what with me leaving the country in less than two months, now, holding only to hopes and plans (but nothing solid yet) of a return. Realistically, he's right and I agree entirely. Two months is nothing to base a relationship on, and if we did, yeah, it would be amazing, but then we'd both hurt. I will make no effort to deny that... but I like him so much. And now, I have to be friends with him, because neither of us wants to lose the friendship. So yeah, I want to be his friend, but I say I have to because it's so hard. When he needs me to console him, I will, because that's what a friend does, but it hurts, knowing I could do it so much better if we had more. He tells me I'm beautiful, that he loves me (though I know he only means it as a friend, I'm not delusional) -- he tells me all the things a girl needs to hear. He warms my hands when they're cold and I warm his when they are -- every time my hands are cold, his are warm, and when his hands are cold, mine are warm; it's perfect but not. He drags me around an ice-skating rink, building my confidence and picking me up when I fall. I feel like I'm on top of the world when I'm with him. So why can't I have that all the time, instead of going home, knowing he's not mine and crying and hurting? Like I say, at times, he makes me laugh and then, without knowing it, he'll make me cry.
I was reading over my shared blog with Evan... What an era. I had a beautiful relationship. It was simply beautiful. I could not have asked for a better ride. Reading those old posts, even those that we wrote to say goodbye, brought tears to my eyes. We had something really special and I don't think we'll have it again, but I want something like it, quelque chose pareil.
What do you do if there's a boy, and he's a really nice guy, but you're going away in a few months? What do you do if it seems like he's sending you signals but you're afraid to ruin what could be an awesome friendship? What do you do if you fear that this is someone you might actually be able to love... the second guy you've labelled a possibility in the last near 5 years? What do you do then? What do I do?
It's a boy. It's always a boy. Unless it's a girl.
So first, there was New York boy (thus named by Sara, a friend I met through Patricia, my Calgarian twin).
His name was Frank. He was drop dead gorgeous and he KNEW it. He was 26, from New York City, a musician (triple the hotness, right?) and he thought I was hot. And when someone is attracted to you, doesn't that normally intensify your attraction to them (provided there is some attraction in the first place)? It was never going to work.
I thought he was a man. He'd moved out of home. He had a steady job. Did all the things grown ups are meant to do. But he wanted to play. Don't get me wrong, I wasn't looking for anything too serious, but I wanted *something*. In essence, he was a boy but I needed a man.
Now, there's Catholic misson boy (thus named by Phoebe, a friend I met through Evan).
His name is Sébastien. He bears some resemblance to Justin Timberlake, save the red hair. He is 24, from Montreal, studies theology, will be going on mission to Mexico and is a real gentleman. He dances. I LOVE dancing! This might work.
He stayed up all night with me, rekindled a camp fire because I wanted one, and led morning prayers as we watched the sunrise. He insisted on getting me drinks and opened doors for me. He'd catch my eye and smile at me. He let me sleep on his shoulder (well, actually, he put his arm around me) on the bus. He wants to hang out with me. He has agreed to teach me Spanish in exchange for guitar, and has invited me to a youth camp in a couple of weeks. He is a good Catholic boy, which I think is what I need at this point.
I'm standing on the bridge I'm waiting in the dark I thought that you'd be here by now There's nothing but the rain No footsteps on the ground I'm listening but there's no sound
Isn't anyone tryin’ to find me? Won't somebody come take me home?
(Chorus) It's a damn cold night Trying to figure out this life Won't you take me by the hand Take me somewhere new I don't know who you are But I... I'm with you I'm with you
(Mmm..)
I'm looking for a place I'm searching for a face Is anybody here I know? 'Cause nothing's going right And everything’s a mess And no one likes to be alone
Isn't anyone tryin’ to find me? Won't somebody come take me home?
(CHORUS)
Oh!
Why is everything so confusing? Maybe I'm just out of my mind Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah, Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah... It's a damn cold night Trying to figure out this life Won't you take me by the hand Take me somewhere new I don't know who you are But I... I'm with you... I'm with you... Take me by the hand Take me somewhere new I don't know who you are But I
I'm with you... I'm with you...
Take me by the hand Take me somewhere new I don't know who you are But I I'm with you I'm with you
Can you imagine? What would happen? If we could have any dream I'd wish this moment Was ours to own it And that it would never leave Then I would thank that star That made our wish come true (come true) oh yeah 'Cause he knows that where you are Is where I should be too
CHOURS:
Right here, right now I’m looking at you and my heart loves the view 'Cause you mean everything
Right here, I promise you somehow That tomorrow can wait for some other day to be (to be) But right now there’s you and me
If this was forever what could be better? We already proved it was But in 2,123 hours A bend in the universe Is Gonna make everything In our whole world change (it’s our change, yeah) And you know that where we are Will never be the same oh no
CHORUS: Right here, right now I’m looking at you and my heart loves the view Cause you mean everything
Right here, I promise you somehow That tomorrow can wait for some other day to be (to be) But right now there’s you and me
Oh we know its coming And it’s coming fast (As long when there’s you and me) (Oh yeah) So let’s make every second last, make it last!
Right here, oh right now Yeah, I’m looking at you and my heart loves the view 'Cause you mean everything
Right here, I promise you somehow That tomorrow can wait for some other day to be (to be) But right now there’s you and me (you and me)
